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Archive for the ‘Musings & personal’ Category

Go get it. Period.

stock-photo-39342142-child-with-plantWill Smith, the famous Hollywood actor, said in the 2006 American movie- The Pursuit of Happyness– “Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you gotta protect it. When people can’t do something themselves, they’re gonna tell you that you can’t do it. You want something, go get it. Period.” When you hear such powerful words said in that kind of straightforward and simple manner, they hit you the hardest. Somewhere down in your heart, you already know all this, but getting it to hear, or rather being shoved right in front of your face with this kind of openness and sincerity catches you by surprise. You are bound to feel the adrenaline rushing, the heartbeat quickening, and your mind reminding you of that goal- that one single goal- that one seemingly difficult goal- that you have had set for yourself..and yet to attain.

In that particular nano of a second, you realize that it does not ever really help if you just sit and wait for things to happen. You cannot wait for someone to make things happen for you. You want something, go out there on your own and fight for it. Go out there with such desperation as if your life depends on it. As if what you are asking for is the air for your lungs.

Gary Keller says in his book, “The One Thing” that everyone wants that one thing or the other very badly in one’s life. To attain that goal, the most important thing you need to do is to focus on it with 100% concentration. It’s like the great warrior Arjun and his target- the fish’s eye. You do not see anything else. The whole world becomes a blur, just your goal in front of you. Every step, every move you make should be for that one thing you really want. No iffs, no butts. It is only then that you see the magic of the Great Cosmic power unfold in front of you.

So much has already been said about how to concentrate, or how to increase your focusing skills. The useful tips are all just a click away. But there are times when the otherwise re-assuring “STOP and turn your thoughts around back” technique, in which you stop your mind the moment you realize that it has been day-dreaming or wandering away, or even meditation does not seem to be helping you. Sometimes, all the positivity in the world does not seem enough to motivate you. Sometimes, hearing relentless cheer of positive thinking tend to annoy you more than inspire you. That is when a little negativity helps. Sometimes, there is a need to balance the positive with the negative, optimism with the pessimism. Sometimes, keeping your eyes open for the “worst-case scenario” makes all the difference.

I have invented in my head my own technique. It requires you to trick your heart or emotions for a minute for your benefit. It is inspired by a popular theory of motivation, known as “Drive theory of motivation.” According to this theory, people are motivated to perform in order to reduce the internal dilemma or tension that is caused by unmet needs (Theories of Motivation by Kendra Cherry). Caution- Its not for the faint-hearted..

Remind yourself of the time when you felt WORST in your life. Yes, I am talking about the most humiliating, or the most heartrending moment of your life. It could be failing in exam, failing in job interview, breaking up with your lover, being stuck in some sort of financial crisis, the time when you saw disappointment in your parents’ faces, or the time when you helplessly witnessed suffering of a loved one. It could be anything. Now try and remember the fear, the pain, the anxiety, the impotent rage, the frustration you had felt then. Let yourself be enveloped by that horrible memory like a wet blanket- just for a minute. Your heart shivers. Anything is better than feeling like that again. Right? Tell yourself that attaining this goal would somehow nullify the pain you felt at that time.  That there is no way you are failing in your efforts again and go through that terrible whirlpool of emotions all over again. That by achieving this goal, you would fill that empty void you have had in you all this time. That you would prove to yourself that you are worth going after your dreams. That you are worth the world.

Again, you are bound to feel the adrenaline rushing, the heartbeat quickening…but… your vision getting cleared of all obstructions and your goal visible again. Go get it. Period.

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Be Yourself

be-yourself-source

I believe I am the sort of person who rebels furiously when cornered, pressurized, underestimated, unacknowledged. I am not among those who succumb well. I did succumb at one point of my life. That was when I stopped being myself and tried so hard, so damn hard to be what everyone around me wanted me to be. And let me tell you – it is very disheartening. How can I be not ME? How is that done? What worth is it- not being ME? I am sure we are born to be ourselves and not exactly like each other?! Isn’t it natural that we be different, unique in our own ways? That’s what makes life on this planet so interesting- because everyone is different. Of course, we are from same species, we are all children of Mother Nature, but yet so wonderfully different! That is a good thing!! It’s good!! Then why sometimes, you feel that people around you are hell bent on seeing a “supposedly better version” of YOU? Why do they want to mold you , break you down, tear you apart until they have a little piece of YOU designed to suit their needs? They do not care about the whole YOU. You, as a unique, wonderful human being can go to hell, just mend the part they need from you. YIKES!! Can you imagine what it would be like to physically give away your body parts for their convenience! It is impossible! So why do it mentally?

OK, you’ll say life would be doubly hard if we do not do that at all. To some level, everyone does that, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Like, you are supposed to give your brains and skills to the company you work for. You can’t cheat there. But hey, they at least pay you for sucking out your blood! haha! Its like a necessary evil. (And those who absolutely love their jobs…count your blessings!) And its a completely different topic which I am not going to go into. I am talking about things at personal level- like in relationships.

Research shows that social relationships- both quality and quantity- affect mental health, health behavior, physical health and mortality risk (Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy, written by Umberson and Montez, 2010). Undoubtedly, relationships are hard. Sometimes you feel blessed and lucky to have all your loved ones around you. Yet there are times when you feel you have hit rock bottom and just can’t wait to get away from them as far as possible.

What I am stressing here is definitely not that you should shrug all responsibilities out of sheer laziness and falsely term it as ‘being independent’ or ‘living life my style..rest all can go to hell.’ NO. Being an adult also constitutes being able to handle things, to take charge, to learn what life teaches you and evolve as human beings. But what often happens is, you get too engrossed or too eager or even too pressurized in managing the responsibility part that you tend to forget to hold on to your own distinct identity.  Situations do not arise in our lives so that we completely forget who we are and become someone else. This is life, after all. There is no set formula that we can use to solve the problem. We all have our own unique formulas in our heads to help solve all kinds of situations.

That is why I strongly recommend a commonly used phrase- BE YOURSELF. It can be incredibly tricky to be yourself, but it is ALWAYS worth fighting for. Take out time to do things you love- read a book, listen to music, dance, go out with friends, pursue a hobby- just anything that helps you unwind. When confronted in a situation, stand up for yourself if you know you haven’t done anything wrong. Establish a meaningful communication to eliminate misunderstandings. Get help in managing your time better. Make a schedule. Stop killing yourself by trying to be what others want you to be.

Chances are..you may live longer by BEING YOURSELF.

 

The Love Addiction

Most of us are not even aware of the fact that we are suffering from an addiction. The LOVE addiction. The feeling of being in love, the thrill and excitement we feel at the very beginning of a relationship; when everything seems new, the world appears rosier and the way our hearts skip a beat at the mere thought of our special someone. Ah…young love!

It is a scientific fact that people unknowingly get addicted to dopamine, morepinephrine and serotomin, most common chemicals that are released by the brain during the initial attraction phase of a relationship. This initial stage, with time, often progresses to a further level, that of maturity, mutual understanding, compassion and friendship. This is, of course, the ideal situation. But often, it fades away and decomposes into break-ups or that stagnant stage where one or both persons long to be free but are forced to stay, owing to societal pressures or various weaknesses of their own. When stuck in situations like these, people most likely suffer from depression, anxiety, boredom and low self-esteem. The magnitude of it depends upon how intensely and deeply the person had fallen in love. The more intense the love, more chemicals triggered from the brain.

But this theory seems so cold and ruthless. Yes, our bodies are designed to work with chemicals. Its just the way the physical realms work. Everything we do is acted out through various chemical processes, but that does not make it any less interesting, or any less special, or any less real!!! The attraction love or lust part is of course the chemicals talking, that is why it fades with time, does not mean the “love” has faded away, just the intensity of the attraction. But the compassion and friendship part that slowly settles in is probably what’s most important. Just going out for a walk together, or even sitting together on the bed and being comfortable in doing your own different things- one reading a book and another fiddling with a laptop- believe it or not, it can be very cozy!

Science cannot solve everything. I’d say you go with what you feel. Do your heart a favor. Listen to it.

Wishes unfulfilled….so what?

I know that if every single wish of every single person is fulfilled every single time, the world would collapse. The system, supposedly, just does not work that way. How do I know this? Can’t recall how! But I am sure you would agree with me on this. Nevertheless, its incredibly heart-breaking whenever our wishes and prayers (most sincere ones, from most innocent hearts and with great intensity!!) remain unfulfilled. Its almost enough for one to stop believing in God and prayers altogether. ALMOST. Then what is there that our minds and hearts still hold on to, that does not deter us from having faith in God, the Superior One, the Great Cosmic Power – whatever you call it? In some cases, the faith in Him, in fact, deepens!

Funnily enough, it came as a surprise to me the first time I realized that maybe God really does not listen to my prayers all the time! hehe.. I mean, of course, God is really busy. And to think that He would be available just to listen to me every single time is quite preposterous. Even if wishes do get fulfilled, what then? You will live happily ever after? NO SIR. It brings with it its own set of problems. There starts a new chain of events, mistakes, penance, and more wishes stem from them, and on and on it goes. Endlessly.

But even this vicious circle is important in order to keep the life on this planet moving. I understand the reason behind this process..but it just gets really exhausting and frustrating at times. A strange, menacing feeling of heaviness sets in. The only solution, as I see it, is meditation. Losing your ego in order to unite with The Ultimate, The Absolute. And it’s beautiful!! Having been felt it for over a month, I know its the only solution. But the path is not smooth. And you cannot take shortcuts either! At times it gets pretty intense. After a while, you feel like taking a break, getting back to your old ways and thought patterns. But there is one thing that I realized that was totally AWESOME was how exactly the feeling of loosening up and surrendering yourself to God and just being lost in His thoughts is similar to getting drunk!! I mean bottoms up vodka and 4-5 glasses of neat whiskey like drunk! Amazing!

 

 

First ever attempt

Joining the bloggers’ world with the hope that writing here would lighten up my restless mind. All kinds of thoughts will be posted – light-hearted, funny, entertaining, to dark, unhappy, to even just plain twisted ones – depends on my mood.

Here we go…